Helpful Advice
by I-luv-Kish-and-dark
Summary: The aliens and Pudding are going to give you advice on how to annoy doctors, and get around trouble with the 'rents. Warning: A bit demented, I guess.


Mew Pear: Do your parents beat you? Ground you? Take away privileges? Get really mad at you? Well, here's some helpful advice from me and Tart!

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1: Me: If you get grounded from video games, what do you do?

Tart: Pretend it doesn't get on your nerves just to annoy your parents. If they don't think it bugs you, they won't do it again (Me: normally). In the mean time, try to plan ways to beat the game. Like, "In Super Mario Sunshine, how do you get to that island with the goo portal while bringing Yoshi along?" Use this time to think up strategies to beat this game. If this happens around school, talk to your friends on how to beat the game. The second they unground you, don't run back to the games. That'll just prove that it _did_ in fact bother you. Instead, wait 25-45 minutes

2: Me: If you get sent to your room, what do you do?

A: Tart: Hide things in your bed incase this happens. For example: A game-boy, some paper and pencil (you can draw or write to express your anger), maybe an ipod or CD player, and a book just in case. Pretend like you don't care. When your parents yell, "Go to your room!" reply with a cheerful, "Of course! Tell me when I can come down!" No matter how tempting it is, don't say, "Thanks! Now I won't have to look at your ugly face!" I did that once…

3: Me: Your parents have disgusting glop prepared for dinner, and say that if you don't eat it; you have to go to bed without dinner and dessert. You try a bite, and instantly spit it back out. Now what?

A: Tart: You can either force yourself to eat it and get dinner, or do the other option- the one I do. Say, "Fine, I won't eat dinner or dessert." Then don't eat ANYTHING until your parents finally give you whatever you want to eat. Yes, your stomach will hurt like hell, but it's a good way to tell your parents that you'll only eat what you want. Remember, a human can live up to about a week without food, so you'll definitely last for three days.

4: Me: You get straight C's on your report card, a D, and an F. You know your parents will be furious. What do you do?

A: Tart: You could just get the punishment; you could ask to go to a friend's house, give them a report card, and run for it. If they say you can't go to a friend's house, lead them away from the front door, then when they're shocked from your report card, run out the front door and take off until you find a good hiding spot. Maybe walk to a friend's house that your parents won't guess you'd go to, or find a spot to hide. Then come back home when it's BEYOND late and your parents are worried. If it's late enough, you can go in, announce you're tired, and quickly run to your bed.

5: Tart: If they DON'T allow you to run to your bed afterwards, try and fall asleep on the spot, and continually say that you want to go to sleep. If they start smacking you, scream to the world they're murderers. That usually 'll get them to quiet down… Then cover your mouth and tell you to go to your bed right away. This time look disappointed when they say that, and fake pout to your room. Be happy that you finally get to go to sleep.

6: Tart: If they called the cops, well, at least you're not in trouble about your report card anymore! Besides, the cops won't arrest you for hiding from your parents. Who cares if they call the cops? Just say something to the police like, "I thought I told my parents I was going over to my friends house!" or "I was trying to find my friends house, but got lost! It's not my fault!" Look like you mean it.

7: Me: Your parents are mad at you, and decide you need to be spanked.

Tart: When they spank you, say, "Ah, the sweet feeling of pain! Isn't your hand hurting yet? I know mine would!" If you want to be rude, which would be a horrible idea, say, "This is good exercise to help you lose all that extra fat on your arm. Though I have to admit, a machine workout would be more efficient." If they beat you with a belt, which mine never did so I have no clue what it's like, curl up into a ball to protect yourself. If you can, back up against a wall, lean up against a wall, and THEN curl up into a ball, so you're still mostly protected. If they leave marks on you with a belt, say, "Ouch. Next time you do that, I'm telling!" or, "Well, now I know that violence really _DOES _solve all!" Then you should take a soothing shower so the marks will feel better. (Me: I've never been beaten with a belt and haven't been spanked since I was 6, so this advice might not be 100 percent resourceful).

8: Me: Your parents ground you from the house and say you aren't allowed to leave the yard.

Tart: Leave the yard anyways! Then they'll think twice before they try that tactic again! Run to a nearby park or friends house! If it's hot outside, find some place shady (like under a tree, maybe a bench). The only way your parents can get you to stop running off without making a scene in front of the neighbors is to let you come back inside!

* * *

Mew Peach: Now going on to some random fact/nonsense! Pudding will help, because I've ran out of ideas.

Pudding: If an apple a day keeps a doctor away, would a doctor that ate an apple a day have to stay away from themselves?

Now for rude things to say to a doctor and do at a doctor's office! Kish, Pie, and Tart were forced to go to an Earth doctor and know how horrible it is, so he'll be helping!

Kish: You could ask the doctor if they eat an apple a day. If they say, "Yes," you should reply with something like, "That means that you have to stay away from yourself, which means that you aren't as good at your job! I request a different doctor!" If they say, "No," reply with, "Then I guess if _doctors_ don't eat an apple a day, it's definitely okay for me not to!"

Pie: This is such a childish subject… (Me: -slaps- hurry up and say something!) You could start naming everything in the room in a sing song voice, or start singing the song that never ends. The song that gets on everyone's nerves is also great.

Tart: Poke them and call them an old hag or fatty! If they're a man, tell them they're starting to get nose hairs, even if it's not true!

Kish: If they tell you to take off your clothe or try and feel your stomach, call them a pervert. Then when they get off of their chair, take a seat on it and insist you're glued on.

Tart: If they try and give you a shot, insist they put poison in it, and are trying to murder you. When they try to put that buzzy thing in your ear, insist they're trying to drill your brain out.

Pie: When they say they're going to take your heart, scream and say they're going to cut you open. When they say they just want to feel your stomach, say, "How? By reaching in through my belly button?"

Kish: If you're getting your blood taken, and someone says, "It's time to get your blood taken now," reply with, "So how many vampires are going to take a turn sucking on my neck?" and bring garlic along, insisting that the blood taker must rub it on their face to prove they're not a vampire.

* * *

T.G: I'll come up with more some other time. Tell me if this was actually useful. Yes, I know it sounds wretched horrible and stuff, but… it's effective. If you're going to flame, don't be TOO harsh. Call me a brat if you must… I'll just have you know that I don't usually NEED to use these, because I get good grades and find other ways around trouble, so no; I'm not a complete brat. Now review unless you want to give a horrible flame!

* * *

(For those of you who don't already know it, here is the song that never ends and the song that gets on everybody's nerves! I don't own them.)

The Song that Never Ends 

_This is the song that never ends_

_It goes on and on my friends_

_Some People,_

_Started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_And then they kept on singing it forever just because… _

(go back to beginning and repeat this song over and over again)

* * *

The Song that gets on Everybody's Nerves

_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves_

_Everybody's nerves_

_Everybody's nerves_

_I know a song that gets on Everybody's nerves and this is how it goes! _

(then repeat song over and over again until person explodes)

* * *


End file.
